1.Why spoil us as children at Christmas?
* we let ourselves be seduced by the visual stress invasive by oversupply, the dominant discourse conveyed by the Company: fun = expenditure (and vice versa), feel there = have (and vice versa!).
* We believe that children's happiness is directly related to the abundance of consumer goods ... and being good parents is to participate in this movement!
* frustration and lack are two words that scare us! there is confusion between the vital need envy and transient. ..
+ a tip! ... bag desires .... where the child will put the names or pictures of everything his "envy" ... then we sort!. a good way to become aware of passing interest and desire, the vital need!
* unworthy of our concern if the best friend, cousin, neighbor are more spoiled than him!
* buy gifts in excess is not a clumsy attempt to redeem himself, stop feeling guilty be too low now too invested in his career or his daily worries?
* Christmas is a time to dive back into his own childhood: it was more private, it fills her child!
* Some gifts are a reflection of our own desires ... which presents not adapted to the age of the child, unrelated to his taste! What a good lesson adult when the child plays with packaging, paper, tape!
2. how this glut is it harmful?
* we put into the mind of the child that the avalanche of toys is the surest sign of love it is worn, the value that it provides!
* in his psyche, love, money and gifts to confused ...
* obsessed with the material value of gifts, the child can acquire a sense of the symbolic value of the gift of gesture provide ...
3. Christmas gifts have to reward good behavior or academic performance?
* the gift of Christmas is one of the few rituals we still : There should therefore be subject to any condition! there are other situations are more conducive to punish or praise.
* Christmas is a time of family gathering: take advantage of it to initiate the child pleasure to receive and give to celebrate the pleasure of each other!
4. children of separated parents receive more gifts than the others ... is it a "poisoned gift"?
* 2 carols: 1 + 1 at home mom dad = a lot of gifts! .. This added to the fear of every parent that it is "better at the other" ... and who is tempted to offer and more!
* the gift turns into a demand of love for the child ... dangerous game! the child can manipulate his parents, make them compete, become tyrannical, demanding: "Do you want me to love you, so give me everything I want!".
5. how to avoid the child becoming jaded?
* stop to cover gifts ... he laughs, he thinks that these are "due".
* let the issue wishes, ask desires without them being immediately and inevitably satisfied ... well, he will learn to dream, to project themselves into the future, to postpone the moment of satisfaction of his desires: he will learn frustration (essential element of his education), so it may give the fantasy of omnipotence (specific to childhood) and become an adult!
6. how to avoid the mess of unopened gifts soon forgotten?
* first do the sorting with the child about what he would really enjoy ...
* think interests of the child rather than our own ... children sometimes want to objects judged by adults, not interesting, too small, too expensive, too ... so beautiful and respected his desire not to give better than it looks!
* attention to current sophisticated toys that muzzle the creative capacity of the child! Instead, offer them toys that deploy their creativity is imagination of the child who is supposed to make the sport "alive."
* attention to current sophisticated toys that muzzle the creative capacity of the child! Instead, offer them toys that deploy their creativity is imagination of the child who is supposed to make the sport "alive."
7. how children understand the choices?
* the game is essential to the child. .. for fun, to stimulate their imagination and creativity to understand the world in which he lives.
* have a sex toys : there are toys for girls and boys toys ... toys and mixed: games, games education. But do not be alarmed - if your little boy wants a doll and your little girl dreams of a range of fire! each claiming its share of femininity and masculinity: only a child who is interested exclusively games and toys of the opposite sex is worth wondering. .
* choice of toys is a function of education provided by parents, pressure from society, television, advertising and of the conversations with friends!
* we can also offer children's toys that do not ask ... in order to raise its arousal and curiosity.
8. let the child "believe in Santa Claus," is he lying?
* "No", replied Dolto. * .. "is a beautiful story that parents tell children ... a colorful way of saying they love this character is out of fashion, out of time today, outside of morality especially do not use it for blackmail: "If you're not good, Santa Claus will bring you nothing ... or he will take your gifts." Santa Claus is as old as time, it knows that a child can not conform to the wishes of her parents, just that day, the child must be free of any guilt for not being as it should be! "
* " the child needs to believe in Santa Claus , "said Marcel Rufo * this be good ... and powerful who knows the secrets, and who can grant wishes. Santa Claus meets the need of wonder and fantasy of the child, it helps develop an imaginary rich and full of sensitivity to face the challenges of life. By cons, it is important to reveal the truth ... about 6 - 7 years: the myth could mean that the parents refuse to see their child grow up ".
* then, in conclusion?
/ the child's behavior toward gift depends our own behavior: set a goal to restore the gift value of donation.
/ no "gift blackmail": if you do not cry to go to school, I'll buy you a present!
/ no "gift exchange " : if you help me set the table, you have a gift!
/ no " Gift compensation "that we give to other children in the family when one of them a birthday, that offered to the eldest at the birth of a baby ...
/ reflect on the messages we send ...
/ reserve gifts to special occasions: birthdays, Christmas or just ... " to please " .
/ memorize two essential concepts:
* pleased to receive, give.
; * desire # envy, the vital need.
/ remember that pleasure is not on the size of the gift, the amount of gifts at gift prices .... let us also have fun with "little things" or gifts made with love ... and what a pleasure to please!
... URGENT MESSAGE TO DISCLOSE the whole family BEFORE THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS! DARE TO SAY STOP! * Dolto - famous psychoanalyst specializing in children.
* Marcel Rufo - child psychiatrist.
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