# PUNISHMENT = scary word ... not just for kids! .. word for hints of authoritarianism, education to the "hard" granting the child no rights, only duties of obedience!
Yet education - essential parental duty - relies on a system of rules which should allow the child to understand the difference between what is allowed and what is forbidden . . . A rule - which must always be put as an imperative - exists only if it is accompanied by a penalty for transgression.
# = Educating responsibility. .. the "best punishment "must serve this accountability, so do not be excessive! And before you ask, parents should be sure to be able to apply .... because multiplying threats of punishment without applying them is the best way can no longer be obeyed!
# WARNING ... . * punishments to "impossible" : "I don 't give up, give yourself to someone, call the werewolf .! "
* to punishment disconnected vital needs (sleep, food): private dessert, go to bed immediately ... otherwise, sleeping and eating = Punish! ... ; or disconnected from life's pleasures : gifts, holidays, birthday parties ...
* to punishments that are afraid and do not learn the life : "I'll take you among police ...." "If you continue, the doctor will give you a bite" ...
* to punishments that are afraid and do not learn the life : "I'll take you among police ...." "If you continue, the doctor will give you a bite" ...
; * to violent punishment : glass figure, cold showers, beatings and swift belt, cigarette burns (! ) that reveal a lack of self control ..... and spanking ? ... but not dramatic 5 reasons to avoid it:
1.coup brought to the child naturally condemned.
2.aveu weakness, lack of control of the parent and devalued in the eyes of the child, the child may infer that the provocation can outweigh the psychic force of an adult!
3.geste that trivializes violence, adult shows that hitting is the only way to end a conflict rule that the child could be applied in turn by becoming violent.
4. Humiliating gesture: the child feels unloved ... it adopts attitudes increasingly negative lead to other spanking and this vicious circle prevents the construction of good self-esteem.
5.punition ineffective: the child lets go of fear ... and not by reason and causes of conflict are still there!
The best intentioned parent can have that impulse ... so important to explain without apology: "I got carried away by my anger ..." (do not forget that it is ourselves that we are angry ... and not the child who makes us angry! ) ... that sentence just to emphasize the emptiness of the gesture = speech heals, soothes the relationship proves to the child that communication is always more effective than shots .
*** TIPS The child psychiatrist JL Run:
* the best way to avoid the backlash is to send the child in his room to give him time to reflect on his behavior and also allow time for adults to consider the need and choice of punishment. Discuss with the other parent is useful to gain confidence in themselves and act without excess.
* restorative punishment is most beneficial as it confronts the child with its responsibilities; eg repair a broken object, restore order in a room undisturbed, clean soiled furniture ... This type of sanctions does is not always applicable in other cases it is important to choose precisely calibrated punishment on misconduct. For example, one can not repress the same way = retardation, an insult, a lie ...
* scale of punishment should make account the severity scale faults and the scale of values raised by parents.
* punishment must be surrounded explanation: "I explained what I expected from you, you have not fulfilled our contract, I punish you for what you did "... not" because you're ugly because you're mean or I do not love you anymore, I do want to see you, you're not my child "etc ...
* at any age, deprivation sanctions are more effective but not any deprivation! sterile cover activities (video games, TV output) and not those that allow it to flourish or that are vital (sports, food ...)
* Children over 6 years, punishments that involve the body can be applied: tidying up, cleaning ... because purpose of punishment is to relieve the child of guilt , giving an effort, he spends so physically to pay his debt.
* compel children - even small - to apologize, to isolate a moment in his room, depriving him of a few days or TV Tapes him temporarily confiscate a toy, remove the treats ... postponed to better days are quite acceptable punishment.
The key is that the punishment is rare: it should come as a last resort when the recall of the regulations and explanations were not enough ... otherwise the risk is to live in conflict Permanent.
If punishment is the only way to make them obey it means that the authority is not established! Punishment does not deserve to be demonized as the time "it is forbidden to forbid" ... but she has a taste of failure, it means that the parent has failed to establish his authority! the penalty becomes worrying if it spreads, it is a failure not serious if it is punctual.
Parents are not perfect, the perfect children either!
Certainly, there are children more disobedient than others: a question of personality ... especially depending on the strong foundation on which the authority was established!
# REMINDER: bases must be established very early, between 6 and 20 months, when the child touches everything, begins to speak, to travel alone ... This period of discovery is essential to its development and affirmation of his personality must be "bounded "by the parents:" black eyes "when the child is acting dangerously, slap on the hand if catches a prohibited object, your grave when it disobeyed ... all signs that make the child understand that ANY THING TO LIMIT and that it was his parents who, by their attitude and their orders are the SPONSORS. 
0 comments:
Post a Comment