** What has he more important for a child? what Did he need most? for the majority, LOVE : major reference for all matters relating to the parent - child relationships, a kind of certainty implicit burden on parents. "Since we have strong feelings for the child and that it expresses, it is sufficient for its development" When we say "love", love for children is often reduced to only feelings !
@ PARENT-CHILD: KNOW what love means ...
* This love-quite particular - is by its very nature radically different from all others because it is for the magnet (the parent) to love the child not only will never possess it completely - or his body (incest taboo) nor his spirit must find other ways ...) but for his own possession, over time, each day a little less ...
* We love her child so that he leaves us ... essential difference between adults love! A child is loved, he gives everything and more than anything ... so that leaves us ... difficult for parents!
* A parental love can not be true that from the time the child has a purpose: to use it to build and move forward.
°, with 2 conditions:
1. bring the child in all areas of the "materials" needed to become a "great" and "adult".
2. having a clear awareness that these "gifts" are for the purpose of enabling him one day to leave his parents "stand on its own wings." Certainly, love - words, hugs, affection - the love-feeling is fundamental, but to make her child can live, each day a little more away from home, also ensure that it be - day by day - less and less essential material terms (autonomy) and in terms of feelings.
* Love your child's help to detach itself so it can focus more most others to open his doors the world and abandon the exclusivity of his affection .
* The possessive in the relationship between parents and children is always destructive ... it keeps the child to live but to be ... to build another as "different from them," awareness of its limitations and the right to become "him". Wanting to keep a child home is not love! The parental love which is founded on the possession could be called "LOVE"!
@ LOVE FOR HIS CHILDREN INVOLVED BY THE PARENT WORK REMARKABLE PSYCHIC . .. as it is to coincide permanently attachment and detachment; attachment manifested through feelings, affection, tenderness The pleasure taken together to communicate, conduct projects together, to build a gay life and enriching : "no child can be happy with his parents if he does not feel happy with him" ; detachment is embodied in the failure to enjoy the possession of a child, give him the freedom to live. DROPPING THE THING IS THE MORE DIFFICULT IN THE WORLD.
* We need the parent can find a deep satisfaction and true in 2 things; donation and transmission ; experience of happiness in giving without expecting return other than the spectacle of child development to which it gives ... and transmit not only for the time it is still there but for him also where he will be gone, the parent knows in advance that without love is nothing exhausted, he will one day be separated from her child by death, he will never push all of what he has sown! The child needs words and examples to understand that "the existence works actually like a relay race where each generation passes to another witness. "In this way, the child may feel the same level and right in the succession of generations.
@ AND ESPECIALLY LOVE MEAN PARENTAL DUTY EDUCATION ...
Currently, education is undervalued: many suffering children are sick of their education, or rather their absence education: various disorders, delayed speech, developmental or learning disorders, character, relationship difficulties reveal the malaise. When we reduce parental love to feelings, we forget the construction of the child . A CHILD IS BUILT ... and the main reason behind its construction is EDUCATION THAT HE GAVE HIS PARENTS.
* EDUCATE A CHILD .. .'s Help to become a civilized being, ie a being who not only guided by his instincts and good fun Is the humanizing: to help discover what it is, what he likes, what he wants to develop its potential, to build his very being, his singularity is to enable , teaching them the rules of human life, to include its uniqueness in the community of others. The lack of words, boundaries, respect, security, attention, affection interfere with his mental as well as food deprivation affects his growth, his body is malnutrition education.
"ANY CONSTRUCTION obeys laws" : Children are like buildings, they can not stand or mentally, or emotionally if they are built anyhow.
This construction requires: 1. a number of inputs : no child can only find it necessary to get ahead in life, work, to abandon its immediate pleasure and subject themselves to efforts need to ... teach him!
; ; 2. a balance of these inputs : the child must learn to contain its violence, not to attack others. He must become able to defend themselves by developing self-control and ability to aggressively positive.
; ; 3. and the establishment of prohibitions, limitations , always difficult for parents who fear that the child suffers ... but this suffering is necessary and constructive.
** Claude Halmos provides benchmarks for the psyche - benchmarks that can be stated as clearly as dietary rules:
1. a child is not the center of the world : he needs to know that his parents have a life and that he can not not be in this life all the time: eg. he goes to bed at a certain time without getting up 50 times! even under the pretext of nightmares, he does not come every night in the bedroom of his parents! it needs a separate sexuality from that of his parents (not having sex in front of him eg.)
2. Another important landmark: ask that a child should always be independent and encouraged to perform only the acts of daily living (dressing, bathing etc ...) from the moment he became technically capable of do - provided it can acquire this ability only if one takes the trouble to explain, to show her gestures, as if one has the patience to support him in learning to always difficult. Autonomy does not mean giving up! Ex. dress even a child could learn to do it alone is also debilitating to him as would be wearing shoes of 23 while the 32 shoe!
° These rules are simple ... but what is complicated is that each well is returned to his own childhood, this What were his parents, he has buried him at his own suffering .
° Serve parents that there are educational principles they can and must meet is to call them a thought and effort, c ' they also deliver a great message of hope = heal their own childhood and not be condemned to reproduce what they have experienced.
° A CREDIBLE IS LIMITED TO THE CHILD KNOWS THAT IF SHE IS JUST KNOW AND IF THAT THE ADULT WHO IS IT SPREAD HIMSELF so restricted and comply.
° Need FOR PARENTS TO RECOGNIZE THAT :
* to support a child without education or accept rules that transgresses back to him violence.
* leave without education is serious, as serious as the starving.
* Give him a cons-education (the example of adults who flout the law) is also dangerous for him than the ingestion of toxic and represents the same kind of emergency!
° Children are always anxious limitless, never happy. As the child is in the omnipotence fantasy, he imagines that if he wants to kill, it can kill someone if he does not one that contains it, who said: "It's not you who command, not you the strongest," he is mad with anguish, a lot of nightmares and fears stop when the FATHER takes its place ... because if the child sees his parents are not capable of being obeyed, he can not think them capable of protecting it.
@ IN CONCLUSION:
* THE TRUE LOVE PARENTING is one that includes the education and non-possession .
* EDUCATE a child is not enslave the bully, hinder, make him suffer instead ... IT'S HELP DEVELOP ... it do the job that will allow him to become an adult capable of living .
* for more information: why love is not enough, help the child to build .. a book by Claude Halmos in Nil Editions.
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