* FACT: 'becoming mothers, women feel responsible for everything ... and for life!
'society does not hesitate to remind them!
'mothers who accept find their balance through support from the father and to renounce the illusion of "all-powerful mother."
* IN REALITY ... mothers have ENOUGH! they run after time without ever pausing, they can no longer bear to wipe the incessant thoughts of each other = spouse, colleagues, teachers, grandparents, medical etc. ... who claim that the mother does is never there or it is too fusion, or too severe or too lax ... and if the child does not go well, because it - not even in shape !
* NOT GUILTY OF MOTHERHOOD!
@ Lack of time, presence, availability, tenderness, energy .. . Mothers constantly feel guilty ...
- what they give or do not!
- what they do or do not!
@ once, backed by a societal and religious shackles that guaranteed them all authority over their children, parents were convinced they were doing well though fissent ... but since the '60s, the family marks were shattered, along, women have started to conquer the world of work with the backdrop of feminist thinking of Simone de Beauvoir stating that "motherhood might hinder their development in a quest for equality with men"
@ 40 years later, the company sends them, the pendulum of headlong '
eg a mother who lives in a village, working in a nearby town, it has a 2 year old child, a husband with irregular schedules ... one morning she left - with regret - his daughter sick ... the nanny at the work session, the male colleagues explain that "if the thugs is because mothers are not present enough!" .... Here is a reflection of the entire society is bent on making the parent responsible for all the ills that affect children, reinforcing in this way, THEIR NATURAL GUILTY!
** For Sylviane Giampino, psychologist and psychoanalyst in early childhood: ° enter motherhood is to enter into guilt ; mothers argue on land doubly undermined:
° on one side by the mythical idea of omnipotence: since give life, they have the power to give what is good and therefore also what is bad!
° on the other, by the mirage that mother is the protective covering of the child, the nurse, the teacher, the only one that is good for health, equilibrium and happiness of the child .
** guilt is all the more painful when it is not shared ... in the case of mothers who raise their children alone for different reasons: they suffer accusing glances as if they bore full responsibility for the situation ...
THEORIES * PSY misinterpreted?
@ guilt Maternal since time immemorial is now increasingly heavy! "Discoveries therapists for children, Winnicott Dolto are exciting," said the pediatrician Edwin Antier unfortunately misinterpreted their theories astray daily and destabilizes the mothers. "
eg a mother who consults a pediatrician for angina her 9 year old son, is accused of being depressed or tired and thus make her sick son! body language of the child ... but of course!
@ The last 50 years we are witnessing a development of such a field of knowledge about children no mother - whatever their level of information, availability and funding, can apply! impossibility reinforced by social discourse = "since you know what is good for your child and you do not use it, then you're a bad mother!" or the worst is to assert learnedly = "if the mother Hopefully, the children well! ".... where a surangoisse mothers who are not going well .. and a disengagement from the responsibility of the entourage!
* IN SEARCH OF BALANCE ... where way out of this vicious circle? ° first identifying where does criticism murdered ... if it is the discourse of a nursery nurse, teacher, doctor, take the distance ... but if crititique has a relative (child, spouse, parents) important to be tuned!
° "feel bad because we have the feeling of having-all wrong - it may be the beginning of a awareness of the need for assistance; "good guilt is guilt that drives to work on yourself and understand what we are really suffering." .. left to wonder if the guilt or overwork are not also a way to promote!
° it is necessary to rely on those around us including the father in refusing to strengthen the illusion of omnipotence maternal a father can help a mother to exonerate :
; + first by reassuring , protecting it from anything that might impair his peace with the new - born,
; + Then, progressively taking place in the "bubble mom - baby" .. ... if he refuses to submit to the domination of the parent that is caring for the child when she told him and how she says! the mother will notice when it is not so bad ... if the layer is wrong, the baby came out without a hat or t-shirt not match the pants!
she realizes that her child can survive without it = is the beginning of destigmatization!
+ Then, HAVE FUN ... as suggested by the psychotherapist Catherine Locksmith: "paradoxically, to deal something that brings gratification condones. "
eg a mother who takes 1 hour to get to the pool, or watch a show, or shopping, or for an appointment at the hairdresser or institute ... the feeling of "stealing" time with his kids ... but this time relax and the time management will be even better!
, + the only condition to this development is that the relatives understand (children, spouse).
+ Finally, once the household is between injections of some and the advice of others, it is sometimes desirable to be listening to this relentless guilt that can be produced alone!
* do we want to be a "good mother" that has been idealized?
* do we want instead to give her child everything that a "bad mother" to us privately?
* how to give up the idea of any power over her child?
* Do we want to continue to be a "model mother" as the little girl, we were obedient? always listen to "the child within us!
* do we want to be the one they always say "it's great. It leads right front ..." ?
* we forget to be married woman at all?
@ SO QUICK?
* THIS IS ACCEPTING TO BE - AS THE SAID WINICOTT - A MOTHER "GOOD ENOUGH" IS TO SAY ... THAT MEETS THE NEEDS OF HIS CHILDREN, AND THAT IS THE BASIS OF HOMELAND SECURITY BUT ABLE TO DEFEAT HIS CHILD OR MORE OR LESS ... WITH ITS Ambivalence, ITS DOUBTS ITS LIMITS ... AND ALL HIS LOVE!
* TELL HER CHILD .... THE WORDS OF Dolto:
"doing - you with the life I do what I can to make you happy, but it's not always because of me if it goes wrong, if you're not happy, if you're sick of life is not always the way we want: if you make it you know look on the bright side ... "
... @ MOTHERS FACE TO CHILDREN WITH SERIOUS ILLNESS ...
* Parental guilt is terrible in the case of transmitting an inherited disease and (or) genetic ... from Martine Frischmann - psychologist advice of the French Association of myopathy - "admit the genetic changes the parents 'guilt': the parent feels guilty for transmitted disease to one of his children, and have affected all the progeny thereof ...
* Some children refer to a "horrible relief" because that one parent is responsible reduces the traumatic nature of the drama ...
* but knowing "that there is something to" allows the parent to appropriate what is happening to her child become responsible, he enters the constructive side of guilt .
* In the case of a dead baby before term or at term, the guilt of the mother is immense: "What have I ever done to kill my baby?"
"what have I not made to live? " .... Dolto said that" design is a meeting at 3 ... 3 desires: the desire of a man and a woman and a desire for child incarnate, a desire to become an unborn person, a unique individual. "alone every child is brought to life by his desire to live".
; ° if the subject desires incarnate, he does.
° the life and desire are one and the same thing.
° in one direction, parents are the mediators of a desire to be born ... in a first time mother is the biological mediator for the embryo, which it hosts, because from the 1 st division, it is different from her mother ., and after birth, parents have the same role as mediator in educating children to become itself.
@ FATHERS ALSO FEEL THEY "WRONGFUL"?
* fathers are also accused rushed, contradicted ...
* but if 39% of parents complain about their increasing difficulties in raising their children, fathers and mothers feel guilt for different = ° 65 6% of fathers regret not quite see their children. ° 52.7% worried about having enough money for his education.
° whereas 61% of mothers feel guilty for not knowing leus protect children from outside influences.
° and 50.3% were afraid of not understanding their children.
@ SOME BOOKS FOR FURTHER INFORMATION .. .
* working mothers are they guilty? . Sylviane Giampino - Ed. Albin Michel.
* praise bad mothers. Catherine Locksmith - Ed Desclée de Brouwer.
* Praise of mothers. Antier Edwin - Ed. Robert Laffont.
* and the last book by Elisabeth Badinter: Conflict. The wife and mother .- Ed Flammarion. (You can preview on www.fnac.com )
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