@ FEAR, WHAT IS IT?
* Is a normal emotion, a "warning" before a new thing that we do not know and who seems dangerous.
* fear is necessary, useful (without fear, the child would ignore the danger!) it helps the child to build, to develop harmoniously.; it prevents the child from danger, allowing them to protect and ensure the integrity of his body (not the first statement to the child: "you don ' have no right to make you evil ").
* again, fear of symbolic law represented by the father helps the child to build and out of the symbiotic relationship with mother (father is "the third separator")
* and yet, parents usually consider the fear as a negative emotion ... a hindrance, a handicap in today's society ... sticky and the desire to perfect child and society where performance ....( deny the danger eg. practicing extreme sports, is "fashionable")
; * What are the verbal expressions related to fear?
° " not even fear" who ... is a boast for "brave" fear, a link established between the child's fear and courage (awareness of danger).
° "I'm scared!" ... Which is a powerful tool used by the child to get what he wants or what he does not, these simple words have the power to shake the convictions of the most determined parents to enforce their laws, they resonance strong, echoing the fears of our childhood, but lurking in the depths of memory, but sometimes forgotten that resurfaces towards the child's plaintive ... fear of the child bothers us! Yet the child has a vital and critical security. (witness the sense of internal security between him and his mother, extremely strong which will help break up).
° "he fears nothing!" ... these words are not proof "character" ... but a gap in education! parents did not teach the child that there were laws, rules of social life, rules to follow ... they forgot the safety education ... and the symbolic law of the father ! child suicidal behavior is looking for this emotion-fear ... it hurts to cause reaction of the adult. "Will you it finally put me in line?"!
@ ENERGY IN CHINA, SAYS THAT THE FEAR?
* Energy is blocked in the kidney,,, that is to say, adrenal glands, ovaries, testes, hair, bones, teeth, ears ...
* is revealed by pathologies related to the organ (kidney), the viscera (bladder), the senses (hearing ) and tissue (bone) = lumbago, enuresis, brittle bones, bad hearing, otitis ....; the winter are in connection with kidney diseases in this season show a blockage of energy.
* Move like a monkey is a Qi Gong exercises to practice with fearful children lacking confidence to boost the energy of the kidneys ... .
@ FEAR IS NORMAL .. BUT WHEN IS IT A DISEASE? * how expressed fear?
· Fear = a fleeting frisson
· Fear which are played (the children know how ... stories, games, movies ... ° fear so strong that it gives the impression that we can die: "I was scared to death!"
; · Fear leads to blockages of the most disabling, phobias, anxiety, depression ....
* 3 main types of fears are likely to "erode" the life of a child:
° the fear of separation and abandonment = one of the biggest fears of children whose sleep is a daily event.
° the hidden fear expressed from an early age by nightmares and a passive attitude during the day ... later, for fear of revealing (then synonymous with weakness of the personality), and the hidden fear is generated sometimes clumsy adult reflections: "I hate people who are afraid," "Oh, the coward!", "you're a man, thou shalt not be afraid!", "you're too big to be afraid! "!
° the fear that follows trauma on an operation or illness : it is very important to explain to the child that his body will recover in on when he will recover. After an accident, it is necessary to enable him to speak, to ask any questions of concern, or even cause the dialog if the child is mature in silence.
WARNING! whether the pathological fear of the child are not taken into account, the child remains outstanding and this hampers its development. This will result in events in adulthood: phobias, lack of confidence, unhappiness, depression, anxiety attack ... psychological help be needed.
@ THE CHILD'S AFRAID ... FEAR OF WHAT?
* "AFRAID OF EVERYTHING" ... normal between 2 and 5 years: fears materialize, express, evacuate anxiety (situation, faced with an object or person ) or may be provided by parents anxious
is mastering his fears that the child will be able to meet new challenges, to help him overcome his fears, need to talk, speech aid to dominate.
* "FEARS OF ALWAYS" .. .
- AFRAID OF THE SEA WATER (around age 2) medium different from ours = mystery, fantasy of engulfment, of devouring ...
- FEAR OF THE WOLF ... which is transmitted by oral tradition wolf = man-eating women. children, the wolf occupies a privileged place in the inner world of children.
- AFRAID OF MONSTERS (dragons, witches, robots, ghosts, dinosaurs) magical powers of omnipotence fantasy ... which do not differentiate between reality and fantasy, children believe everything they see there .. in fact they are characters "useful" that represent father (third separator), laws, prohibitions.
- FEAR OF THE WEIRD CHARACTERS (homeless, elderly, disabled ...) to 4 -5 years of age where fantasy life is very rich.
- FEAR OF DANGER . to 2 years, need to give a child safety education, an awakening to the protection to develop a sense of danger every fear is a victory to enhance learning to the child to face another.
- AFRAID OF THE POLICE AND GENDARMES ... often provided by adults who give a bad image of these people whose role is to protect rather than punish us! (Some adults using it sometimes to be obeyed ... which reveals a serious gap in education!)
- FEAR OF THE TV ... up to 6 years (or more) need an adult present who can reassure them, explain the presence of .. big brothers or sisters is not enough! And the child not being the difference between reality and imagination, he thinks that all he sees is real ... watch as the violent images on the big screen!
- AFRAID OF THE NIGHT, THE BLACK
- FEAR OF SLEEP, DREAMS, NIGHTMARES ... (see the discussion on sleep - March 2010) ... which reveals the anguish of separation from the mother . (Need to tame the night and sleep have rituals that secure the child) to emphasize the effectiveness of the reassuring presence of the adult guardian of a peaceful sleep.
- FEAR OF DENTIST ; for a child's mouth = Vital development of confidence among parents accompany mom and dad to the dentist, make a preliminary visit.
- AFRAID OF DR .. actually afraid of being sick, it hurts to go to hospital, the stripping is often experienced as a aggression; attention to the words of some unfortunate adults who build this fear: "If you cry, it will bite you" stop crying or I'll take you to the hospital! "and can choose whether practitioners teachers!
- AFRAID OF ANIMALS AND THEIR BITE ... to 3 years the child has aggressive feelings (like biting, scratching) and at the same time, it is close to The animal is often an outlet for his aggression, he is afraid that the animal acts like him!
- FEAR OF CERTAIN ANIMALS (spiders, wasps, snakes, birds, dogs - cats rarely -) = real protection against a potential hazard. Understanding the fear of the child but does not "fit" into his game, for example. we continue to visit friends who have a dog even if the child is afraid ...
- DISAPPEAR FEAR ... that goes along with the acquisition of cleanliness by seeing its dung - which are a part of himself - disappear into the toilet, the child is afraid to disappear in the noise as deafening roar of the flush .... where exactly the problems to become clean (enuresis , Refusal to go to the toilet ...) same reaction with the water in the bathtub, the garbage disposal, vacuum ...
- FEAR OF DEATH .... attention to the words often spoken by adults who agonize the child rather than to reassure "he fell asleep" "she's gone" it is in Heaven ".... need to tell the truth or something" which is on the path of truth. "dies when it was finished living" Dolto. (see my third little red book: he's lost my dad)
- FEARS OF oedipal period frequent between 3 to 4 years and 6-7 years, a period when children eat incestuous fantasies toward one and then the other parent where castration anxiety, guilt, doubt and anxiety about his sexuality. Parental support is essential, especially the father who enacts laws, rules and prohibitions. This will allow the child to release energy for "open" to school learning in particular ...
- FEAR OF PENALTY precisely due to this work of renunciation, which means revealing behavior: the child is painful, unhappy, angry, demanding ...
- FEAR OF SCHOOL ... catalyst instead of fear! fear of separation, abandonment, fear of other children, fear of the teacher, the teacher, fear of notes, checks .... psychosomatic disorders are often the developers (stomach ache, headache , ...); asthma firmness and conviction of parents to provide support and encouragement.
@ A ALL FEARS, THE SAME ORIGIN: separation anxiety ...
* Indeed, this fear is the toughest, most intense of childhood, it may "erode" the life of a child; the baby's basic fear is of losing his mother to be separated ... . From birth, the mother's emotional state has a vital role in the feeling of safety of the child ... to establish a secure attachment, the primary need quiet Survival developing during the 3 ; 1st year).
* frustration also is important ... not to seek immediate satisfaction of his desires can develop alternative strategies (thumb sucking, develop patience ...), the mother is responsible for the mental health of the child, the father is the guarantee of good emotional health of the mother ...
* fear of foreign - fear of the 8th month - is a good index of child development that makes the difference between familiar faces people who care for him and the stranger, but that age is a delicate moment for putting the child in the manger. daycare, a nanny from ....( prefer before or after ... but if this is unavoidable, support for 2 parents will be essential to enable the child to live this difficult.)
* "secure attachment to the mother should allow the child to quietly explore its environment and to face a moment of absence without overwhelmed by anxiety ". CYRULNIK BORIS - psychiatrist -
* this separation anxiety is reactivated at bedtime, at the birth of another child, the first school year at a hospital, and special events (death, removal, dangers lived without parents ....), to 15 months - culminating in the fear of loneliness and fear of being lost ... and if the family is "closed".
ESSENTIAL: the child needs to be "pushed" forward to gain confidence and know its capabilities, otherwise it is the "place" ... and he took refuge "in the skirts Mom!
* how to manage this anxiety?
- adopting a lifestyle consistent, reassuring take his time in the morning - when strong separation - do not promise what we will not ... because that would be experienced by the child as abandonment.
- self-managing even his own fears : mothers experiencing their own separation anxiety, either from their own mother, their husband or partner Or relative to their child, cause anxiety for the child, some parents have a very strong fear ... fear of danger quickly felt by the child who makes it his own, for others it entry into parenthood, which leads to fears that create the anxiety of the child (fear of "doing evil", of not being good parents especially to the birth of first child-dream of being a perfect parent ideal for a child! )
NEED FOR THE CHILD:
+ LEAVE TO TAKE RISK, HOT.
+ BUT BE THERE TO EXPLAIN and reassured.
@ FACING THE FEARS, WHAT DO I DO?
" CAN NOT AVOID THE FEARS OF THE CHILD "!
- so understanding, reassurance, accompany, "tame" fear
familiarize themselves with it (eg fear of water = play with water, fear of the dark = manipulate the switch; afraid of monsters = watch with mom or dad behind the curtains, door, etc ... under the bed, draw what scares ; Play with fear (stories, books, stories ...) to scare play (hello, hide and seek, hiding, scaring his parents ...) "accompany" the child in his fears = do not laugh "oh the coward! )
IT IS NEVER TOO REASSURES A CHILD ON UNDER-ESTIMATED THE WEIGHT OF ITS OFTEN FEAR ON HIS DAILY LIFE.
- listening to her child through her ... words and its evils!
- overcoming anxiety: fear is normal, tell him your fears of children, saying that others also are afraid.
- fear is also a question of character ... the reaction of the child deal with emotions is identical to that of his parents.
CHILD NEEDS THE HELP TAMING THE ADULT EMOTIONS AT THE HOST KNOW NOT ALLOW THE INVASION BY THEM.
* ACCOMPANY THIS IS NOT Overprotected : protect, prevent inform, explain ... YES! prevent, inhibit, anticipate the fear ... NO!
* OTHER TOXIC overprotection: unspoken silences, secrets ....
* not to trivialize excessive EMOTIONS! ... eg. have no regard for the feelings of children on the pretext that they are small .... say "it's nothing! it does not matter!" is to deprive the child of the right to express ( his) feelings. . . ANY FEAR, SORROW EVERYTHING MUST BE HEARD.
@ IN CONCLUSION ... .
* FEAR is the emotion most important, the most invasive, more ambiguous, paralyzing, devastating ( origin in the unconscious individual or family far away), then it is harmful, unnecessary source of phobias, unhappiness thus suffering ...
* But more often it is normal therefore useful and necessary for the construction of the child she protects him from danger and learn to know themselves better, to cope with its limitations.
* fear feeds on his inner conflicts, his aggressiveness, his guilt, his desire for omnipotence.
* Oedipal period, puberty, events are conducive to the emergence of fear.
* NO CHILD ESCAPES TO FEAR, parents can not control everything, They should stop feeling guilty when the children are suffering and they must accept their own fears, be aware, the host, identify, recognize even if they are annoying .... they must "be an example.
* THE FEARS ARE BORN IN THE ORIGINAL SCARED = separation anxiety .... which hides itself even FUNDAMENTAL FEAR: FEAR OF DEATH ...
* the last word ... of BEATRICE COPPER - ROYER - psychologist
"what would really scaring children is that adults that we are themselves grappling with such fear that they forget to be parents reassuring, able to teach them to recognize their emotions: joy, jealousy, sadness and all these fears in childhood are all wolves lurking in the recesses of the imagination ".
READ: * fear of wolves, fear of everything. Béatrice Copper - Royer-ed. albin michel
* Your child's fears. ed. Odile Jacob. 
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