** THE GRANDPARENTS HAVE THEIR PLACE IN THE IDENTITY OF YOUR CHILD ...
* To exist, your child should know who he is and where it comes - "two essential elements to build" Dolto said.
* It is necessary to explain which is his grandmother, who is his grandfather and appoint generations by identifying them in front of him ... why it is preferable that the grandparents have names of grandparents rather than being called by their first names, the most used being grandpa, grandma + first names or nicknames ... Personalized (up to the imagination!) as mamynette, daddy, granny goose , granny flower etc. ...
* it helps the child to be construct, find their bearings , to understand the trajectory of life : you're born, you live, you die, it was a baby, child, adult, there is a parent, grandparent ...
* The child can not be built on truth, tell it - without giving too much explanation - on grief, quarrels, and quarrels, if any, family secrets - adoption, divorce - divorce, remarriage ... The child left in a malaise following questions without answers or unspoken, no longer allows himself to ask his parents .. (and is his body that speaks : inhibitions, blockages school behavior problems ...)-( see "my little red books ") - READ: The body of the child is the language of her parents' story - Willy Barral - ed. Payot.
* The grandparents are the child of an insurance identity rooted for him in time immemorial ... an opportunity to make him family tree . (see 2nd page of the blog)
** WHO ARE THE GRANDPARENTS TODAY?
* Very different from before (synonymous with old age), they are young and active (50 years of age and older ... - boundary Youth and maturity), they are both playmates of their grandchildren, support their children become parents and supporters of their own aging parents, is "the generation sandwich cement 3 generations.
* These multiple roles are not always easy to reconcile; 2 / 3 are retired, some still have a professional status, the economic crisis, the fragility of conjugal bonds push them to make
help their children, they surround their aging parents and they take care of new arrivals!
help their children, they surround their aging parents and they take care of new arrivals!
* At the birth of their children, new parents go through the ranks of the adults: the infant takes the place of the child they were and the family structure is tightening around him, we come closer to each other 43% of young parents live within 9 miles of grandparents! multiply contacts, weekly in 86% of cases! the contribution of grandparents custody of their grandchildren during the weekends and holidays takes an unexpected magnitude! 82% keep their grandchildren more or less regularly, one quarter of their working mothers entrust their children under 3 years.
* Complicity, CONDITION, AVAILABILITY!
@ Grandparents are present in the first entertainers, educators 2 nd ... relieved of teaching responsibilities reserved for the parents! their first mission is to play with their grandchildren (telling stories, going for a walk, playing games ...), to arouse their interest, pleasure, to communicate their passion!
@ they often show availability, attention, patience they never had with their own children!
@ their presence is irreplaceable with grandchildren in a divorce ... if you do not replace the missing parent or child away from the entourage of the dissident.
@ However, some grandparents, for fear of being invaded or denied - are developing a suspicion, refusing to commit to be present - except in times of crisis - while others are meant to repair and want to compensate for the education of parents they consider inadequate ! ... 2 prejudicial attitudes to their grandchildren!
** WHAT'S ATTITUDE IS DESIRABLE?
* According Dolto, any grandparent must be animated by this absolute principle "be there when you need it from you and not being there when you do not need you! " which means :
- a light presence without infringing on the role of parents, ;
- being there without being imposed, even against heart accept the values and behaviors of children and grandchildren,
; - Try not to judge or take sides,
- keep "mum" and reserve their opinions to themselves as nothing .... they are asked to that time then make suggestions but no critical statements that are always rejected !
- Offer support and understanding
; - Understand the resistance of young parents to see ... it is necessary for them to do their own experiments and assert their independence.
- Be available to listen and above all provide parents a safe haven ... to enable them to take stock their difficulties.
- learn the traditions and family aspirations .. transmit culture and values.
-Build relationships, provide a wider tribe sometimes best friends, give souvenirs, which will be attended by the ancestors.
- give love to their grandchildren, develop them, show them that they are proud of them. "cherish and console.
- convey the idea of a path of life ... looking at the photo albums, telling stories of family, memories of parents help children children understand that their parents were children!
- be recognized as a grandparent brings peace, serenity, the host of grandchildren is a feast, a joy!
** EDUCATION IS THE 1ST SOURCE OF CONFLICT BETWEEN PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS ... It is therefore preferable for grandparents not invest in it ... especially at their request does not substitute for parents!
** "IN GRANDPARENTS HE IS SPOILED ROTTEN! ... ... OR VISIT IN UPSET YOUR GRANDPARENTS HOW TO REACT TO EDUCATION !.... THESE SITUATIONS?
@ to dramatize = share things between situations somewhat tolerable - it is important for your child not allowed to continue, and those that may annoy you but are harmless to your child.
@ situations somewhat tolerable ?
grandparents * changes for your child to dress to their liking!
* they take in their bed for no reason or because it was a nightmare.
* They call it layers .... or kidnap him! annoying and your education in cleanliness.
* they restore her pacifier or bottle - Step expired or soon to be.
* they change their schedules and their lifestyle: nap, mealtime, bedtime ...
* they give spankings and punishments.
* all excesses designed from the grandparents to take ownership of the child and at the same time do not recognize you your status as parents
These abuses are unacceptable, they undermine the internal security of your child. Instead, the child needs to feel that his grandparents meet his parents in their role .
@ what you can do =
* "mark up the ground" in explaining rhythms and habits.
* explain your position on spanking and punishments ... But allow them to take their place grandparent if the child's lack of respect
* if your critical educational method, say firmly and without aggression "is us who raise our children ... let us make our experience of parents' understanding ... and if not, limit and frame the encounters.
@ what should not worry :
* the number of video tapes and candy ... can not control everything, leave some autonomy to the grandparents, trust them!
* if you return home, your child takes his grandparents as an example, explain: "grandma and grandpa at it like that, but at home we do differently ... children understand very well and are not destabilized by these small differences.
** SO, WHAT ADVICE TO THE USE OF GRANDPARENTS? ... THIS IS THEIR CONTACT INFORMATION!
+ you're not a parent, but a listener affectionate, happy and remember you advice.
+ does not rush to the grandchildren, never remove a child from his parents expect he makes a move in your direction.
+ Take your lifestyle to your meetings with your grandchildren (rites, meals, walks, library ...)
+ Do not try to treat each child the same way, but give everyone the impression of being single, have moments alone together with everyone.
+ put - you agree with parents on the favors, rewards and gifts - which is not desirable to submerge the child!
+ organize regular family meetings and festivities for all sorts of ritual and excitement ... remain in the memory
+ propose to keep the grandkids when you can and that disservice.
+ follow the efforts of your children to learn discipline, does not contradict them, do not tell them what they should do, especially in the presence of small- children.
+ listen and give advice only when they ask you: do not "Professor." You can make things much more valuable = comfort, affection, experience, tenderness, feeling of strength and stability .. .
+ if you are away, keep in touch = letters, drawings, photos, internet, phone ...
+ made regular visits for short periods.
+ you say by Dr. Brazelton - Professor of Pediatrics - American "a little child, is wonderful but the change in your relationship with your own children is even more. All are on the same footing of equality: all parents! "
**** THEN IN CONCLUSION: THE GRANDPARENTS HAVE IS A REAL BLAST! ... think about your personal memories!
* their importance is greater in the familiar world of childhood, the experts agree to judge their presence beneficial to child development, they are needed to balance the family.
* they offer children the opportunity to have other models than its parents is a plus for the child's potential.
* Living testimonies of the past, they transmit family values. They are the bridge to the past, children with parents, with roots and origins.
* if their material assistance is sometimes limited (if still working or living far away) their emotional support appears important.
* absorbing some stress, they help the family in case of "storm" without taking a course. Being a grandparent needs a good dose of diplomacy.
* their love is unconditional and selfless.
* grandparents are involved in both their relationship to young parents in their relationships with grandchildren and in relations between parents and young grandchildren .... this triple involvement is beneficial if it is not interference . In this sense, the grandparents facilitate the opening of the couple.
Grandparents , Grandchildren .... a unique relationship, a complicity to the extent of their age difference: great! ... An unbreakable link, a valuable reference to core affective families.
A book to offer : the dictionary of new grandparents. Editions Fleurus!
Neither manual perfect grandparents or user manual for grandchildren, a dictionary full of humor and love to live out his role as grandparents.
Of "adolescence" to "drive" through "shacks", "sleep at night" and "minor injuries", 106 illustrated articles address the treasures of relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. From A to Z happiness!
Of "adolescence" to "drive" through "shacks", "sleep at night" and "minor injuries", 106 illustrated articles address the treasures of relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. From A to Z happiness!
@ ON THE 2ND PAGE OF THIS BLOG ... A HEADING FOR THE CHILDREN!
* A FAMILY TREE TO BE CARRIED OUT ...
VIDEO * "HELLO GRANDPARENTS" TO WATCH AND LISTEN .. . 
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