The ZEN can be an effective tool in everyday life .... for parents in search of harmony and rigor.
* 6 tips or principles:
1. cultivate authenticity = be yourself.
- the main pain or guilt of parents is to be "different" ... more or better. They often squander their energies to denigrate:
"I am a bad mother," "I can not obey me, I'm hopeless," "if I were another My child would work better, it would be more fulfilled ... "
- They carry the idea of "ideal parent".
unnecessary suffering .... Zen masters say: we can not with what we , it is useless to play the parent model, give a better self image ...
* it is important to become aware of what is really = who am I? (1st issue of Zen meditation) ... for this, remove everything that prevents them from having full awareness of self (appearance, life, emotions ...) observed distinguishing oneself what one has what one is .
* cultivate authenticity fully accept his uniqueness, assume his past, his choice, his mistakes, his wanderings ...
* practice benevolence toward self rather than vilification and trial.
* Welcome her emotions without grasping them.
* do not shape their children on their own desires, regrets, remorse .... it give him the opportunity to be built without the yoke of an ideal.
EXAMPLE: # situation : Rumours of redundancies at your company ... which worry, anxiety, insomnia ...
EXAMPLE: # situation : Rumours of redundancies at your company ... which worry, anxiety, insomnia ...
# temptation: to protect your child by hiding your grief or totally your concern ... or make your confidant for release your anxiety.
THE VOICE OF ZEN # =
* Tell your child from the situation without going into details "I have a concern for adults."
* reassure him: "Every problem is always a solution with the time and with people about whom we can count.
2. practice being quiet = quiet.
- we tend to believe that being Zen is about being able to keep his composure at all times .... NOT: Be Zen, not mimic impassivity!
- practice calm with her children, not stoically endure their attacks or their whims ... but clearly ask what is admissible = anger, criticism, pouting their ... and what does not is the = violence, insults, blackmail, threats ...
- a parent, the actual practice of quiet, that is face to face with yourself - the opportunity to question in depth =
"Why do I need to shout to be heard?"
"why his silence he makes me angry?"
"why am I so upset after him? "....
- Zen being a parent is not staying cool in all circumstances ... "then what prevents me from asking my boundaries firmly without shouting and making my home a place of peace and dialogue ?
- to calm itself and around itself, it =
* wash the stress and noise pollution from outside
* Demonstrate respect for ideas and emotions of each.
* ask clearly his authority as a parent and repeat the instructions .. . serene firmness is the best response to cries and anger ... (when they cry, the child hears the tone but not the message!)
- a relative calm is a relative safe, reassuring, a strength that the child can rely.
EXAMPLE: # = situation after a hard day, a "clash" erupts with family, your child refuses to obey, screams , made an angry ...
; # temptation = shout louder than him, threatening him, hit him ...
; THE VOICE OF ZEN # =
* While storm, calm down, inhaling deeply through the nose several times.
* ask him to go into his room, repeating, if necessary, the set several times without weakening.
* Let it calm down and join him.
* listen - it, accept it that you feel strongly justified and place that is not negotiable for you.
3. Live here and now = be present.
- by tapping into the present moment, what that is about to happen, we cut short the anguished ruminations, return to the past is a source of guilt "if I had known ..." "I should have ..." and the projection into the future as a source of anxiety ...
- this is the only reality in which we live, love, decide in conscience. "here and now" = formula to be repeated each time the anxiety mounts, best guide to enjoy life fully, with all our senses, by doing one thing at a time, making it mindfulness.
- live here and now with his children =
* live without remorse, without prejudice.
* teach them to appreciate fully what is to be regretted that this was or fantasize about what will ...
* Let them know that tomorrow starts today.
EXAMPLE: # situation: poor grades, poor school performance, homework lurking ...
; # temptation : delete leisure activities, punishments, make your child the nightmare scenario of the future that awaits him (unemployed, homeless ...)
VOICE OF ZEN # =
* Especially not project your fears on the future
* fix him with the course of his working time every evening (term time ...)
* check its work, make him recite his lessons through focus on what it does well then give him the trigger of his choice.
4. Be an example:
-traditionally the language of words goes Zen: gestures, eye contact, body entirely reflect the fair presence to oneself and the present moment ... transmission, teaching is by example.
- well, a parent will refrain from advocating Zen excellence always and everywhere and ensure require of her child that what he puts himself in practice:
* Wonder how the little interest of his child to play if he ever sees his parents read?
* wonder how his aggressiveness towards his brothers and sisters if his parents do not communicate by shouting?
* Wonder how his lack of communication if the TV talk to him more than us?
- the parent Zen is not a model parent who is always afraid of do not do well, fairly well too .... how is the opposite of Zen! This is not laissez - faire, laissez - faire, non-mark.
- be the example is to be aware that actions speak louder than words.
EXAMPLE : # = situation is an unexpected "fall into the water" the weekend of dream that the whole family was waiting for months.
; # Temptation = curse, brooding, all-out charge to vent, then give up, discouraged.
; THE VOICE OF ZEN # =
* Bring the whole family to share the situation.
* let each express disappointment, criticism, anger. * Can hear the proposals and bounce without frustration.
5. be daily.
- be zen always begins with the rediscovery of the existence of elementary gestures ... gestures of everyday life that we do so mechanically that we no longer conscious, so try to do these things with full awareness .
- be zen not grow bored and austerity, humor, joy, small and the great pleasures of life are inseparable (one U.S. cancer specialist ensures that the absence of pleasure is a factor triggering psychosomatic illnesses).
- the newspaper is the best school of life for the child = submit to the law of man, claiming his rights, manage their space, participate in family life is very important for that the child finds its place and role, so just based on their age and abilities.
- the newspaper is also a source of education for parents, an opportunity to rediscover the simple things.
EXAMPLE =
* all sit around a table
* Make all a cake, a compote ...
* pleasure to be together .
6. meditate with her children .. .
- that offer a moment of calm and serenity: 5 minutes of silence, a bubble of calm 1 time day, week ... before falling asleep.
- that sit comfortably on a cushion or in bed, leaning against the wall, eyes closed, jaw relaxed ... "listen to the silence"
* We inhale slowly through your nose and is rejected as an air bag that is empty.
* We try to be very soft, it is the "rag doll"
* we try to empty his head ...
all those years growing attention being undermined by an overabundance of news, a difficult family configuration, the gloom ...
* IN CONCLUSION :
AUTHORITY, CONSISTENCY AND RIGOR ARE THE 3 KEYS TO THE SCHOOL OF SIMPLICITY DEMANDING.
BE A MOTHER OR FATHER ZEN, THIS IS NOT COOL TO BE A PARENT, PARENT BUDDY MORE ANXIOUS TO FOSTER A CHILD WITH THAT COMPLICITY to establish its authority.
PARENT ZEN ASSUMES HIS AUTHORITY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS ACTS: IT IS AWARE THAT HE CAN BE ONLY WHAT IS PARENT.
HIS CONCERN IS NOT TO BE SHAPED BY HIS CHILD BUT WANTS TO ACCOMPANY WITH KINDNESS AND FIRMING ON THE ROAD TO ITS COMPLETION.
PARENT ZEN banish violence WORDS AND ACTIONS HE PREFERS THE QUIET, ITS INSTRUCTIONS ARE CLEAR AND FIRM AND DOES NOT MAKE IT BACK ON THAT IF CONVINCED TO DEFRAUD.
PARENT KNOW ZEN being a parent is not a job, BUT A LONG AND DIFFICULT PROCESS ON A path strewn with ruts and dead ends ...
BECOME PARENTS ZEN PERSONAL EFFORT REQUIRES LONG TERM .... impregnated - 6 TIPS FOR YOU EVERYDAY ... Gradually you work with! Be patient and persistent!
ZEN BECOME PARENTS IS ALSO BECOMING A WOMAN AND A MAN MORE ZEN IN DAILY LIFE, MORE MASTERS OF THEIR TIME AND THEIR EMOTIONS FOR LIFE ... FAMILY AND COUPLE MORE BALANCED!
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