GET IN THE FAMILY IN ITS 1ST, 2 ND OR LAST POSITION BE TWIN OR SINGLE CHILD ... is not trivial! 
INFLUENCE OUR PLACE IT ON OUR ABILITY TO ADVANCE IN LIFE? IF ... YES, to what extent?
Time of birthright, the best place in the siblings was that the son or daughter ELDER (E) who was heir (e) of the family patrimony, while THE CADET devoted himself to the army, church or exploration wide world. Today, children to parents are unique individuals, irreplaceable ... before being seniors, juniors or younger.
"With the disappearance of large families, the sibling position now unless the conscious and unconscious relationships forged between parents and children," said Francoise Peille - Child psychologist -
In families of 6 or more children, seniors were parental surrogates but today in 2 or 3 siblings, brothers and sisters are first and foremost rival cadets think their elders are more likely , more privileges, eg to bed later, going out alone ...
the elder thinks his place creates easements: support his younger siblings, these trespassers who changed her life!
* In fact, no place is more suitable than another for self-construction: each requires to cope with specific difficulties.
* In the meetings, says Françoise Peille one that immediately arises in organizing debates is often a senior ... that this behavior since childhood vis-à-vis the cadets!
* So, our place in the adult world would it be so specified or predetermined by our worst birth = senior, junior, twins last ... only child? This thesis is defended by Frank J. Sulloway, sociobiologist U.S., convinced that our genes dictate our behavior.
GROIN ... the birth of a younger, strives to maintain its position and its achievements, he struggles to survive and therefore , any elder is predetermined, it will become a defender of the established order, conservative he is an enemy relentless change . other times, he has the role of parental status, he has more sense of responsibility, makes it easy to service, but it has difficulties inherent in the first place: too soon installed in the position of guardian of his brothers and sisters, it may be cut too soon from his childhood and believe themselves more accountable than it is : It is a lure that forbids him to mature at their own pace and put his own desires. * In sibships of 2 children (standard today), the rivalries are intense, especially if the 2 are of the same sex and Elder rarely comes out unscathed.
* Without generalizing, it seems that seniors often have difficulty finding their place as adults And in their imagination, it is as if someone was going to dispossess them of the career, the relationship they build. .. CAIN complex which reduces the rank of second ISL would then be appropriate on 1 everywhere! And the problem of elder is not to be an elder! and lack of a model for his generation.
* To assist the elder to flourish, it is necessary to encourage it to develop at their own pace and in its own way without trying him seek care for her younger and must have its level of activities with children his age, and it is good to support them in these: activities with the mother or father, "men" "between women" must accompany this conquest must be able to love someone = without being required to act, think, be like him, he must distinguish between loving and be like. .. need for cooperation and social relations, he must conquer his personal liberty to speak on starting a healthy and normal reaction: the aggressiveness that parents call jealousy! Therefore it is necessary Authorize the regressions (feeling small again), let it "locks" her jealousy, and any age to assure him of the affection of his parents .
* It is interesting that the position of the elder is more specific because of the originality of what he experienced before arrival of the youngest: he is the one who founded the family which established the fertility of the parents, it has the advantage of being the first, a sort of "blot" that absorbs the bulk of the stain, it has an essential function = maintain family memories ...
@ SENIORS are often perfectionists, CONSERVATIVES, READY TO MAKE CONSIDERABLE EFFORTS TO SUCCEED.
THE CADET - the middle child. * Cadet Is the intruder happens in the life of the eldest ! it is more "real" than the first which is the first experience of parents, it has more freedom because parents are less anxious than the 1st! it is almost always more or less in awe of the elder who is the reference to build its future as he feels deeply that
hurts his senior who has consistently refused his offers of love and admiration , he accuses, blames himself, is devalued, it seeks by all means to make amends imaginary so he can devote himself to fail - especially school - to go to the elder's place first he believes have stolen him or abandon him success relational etc ... sort of sacrifice that can last a lifetime.
@ THE CADET MUST FIGHT TO CONQUER HIS PLACE, SO NATURALLY, HE HAS OPEN MIND and keen to adopt any new idea ... ESPECIALLY IF IT AFFECTED THE HUMANITY ... IT'S A REBEL MAN GENERALLY BOLD and rebellious.
* If another child is born, the youngest is the "middle child" situation uncomfortable enough (torn between the largest and smallest), it's hard to find a place; it is divided between two types of complicity that can occasionally turn into rivalry = he feels close to the small and then adopt regressive behavior, he wants to establish a certain complicity with the elder to whom he aspires to look like, at the same time it undergoes less parental pressure mobilized by both the success of the senior and the mothering of (the) last (s) .
@ THE CHILD IN THE MIDDLE IS SOMEWHAT COMFORTABLE IN THE LIFE relatively benign in its development, IT BECOMES AN ADULT conciliation NOT AFRAID TO COMPROMISE, IT IS MOST OFTEN THE CHILD OF THE PACIFIC SIBLINGS.
THE LAST MAN OR "THE LATEST" . ... which can be both the second ... the 5 th ... occupies a "high risk ! .. Reputed to be one of "spoiled child" = this means that the latter must remain a child as long as possible, to give the illusion to her mother that she is still young! Indeed and the mother, knowing that the last child she has, may be tempted, unconsciously, to defer its growth, keep it longer than he should be in a state of childhood and she overprotects! The situation is complicated for this child who has not now, not a rival whose presence would push forward, never to be exceeded, if the child were amenable, the tests will be for later, he will feel frustrated because it is not equipped to fight and he needs protection, for cons, it has a hard situation infantilism imposed, it may suffer from disorders psychic disorders of character or even health problems. * The position of the "youngest" is difficult also because of his brothers and sisters whose jealousy expressed by the fact of play with him like a doll or now also in the state of childhood in order to prove their own superiority (they dress, do eat then he is fit to do it alone!) attitude ... all the more daunting it is often valued by parents for taking care of what is in fact that an unconscious desire for revenge.
* The youngest must first meet parental expectations, therefore, attempted to bury his; if there is competition among siblings, he may know a sensation isolation, hatred jeopardizing its ability to integrate; overprotected It may become a great anxiety, a phobic person ill at ease in society or it can become a professional subversive, which disturbs, upsets the established order.
* Advice for parents about the benjamins? just does not make "new kids"! Do not spoil them too much, not too "the coverage" does not like children, the risk being that feeling the problems of their parents, they should make it their duty not to grow up to protect the passage of time! Therefore, it there is need to help them have a social life, meet other children, other adults, not to abandon oneself to life so they can build their future without guilt.
If parental age is a problem, talk with them, do not forget that speech repairs, heals! By all means, fight against the habit of seniors and yours nickname of the last "little" or "small".
@ STATISTICS OF INTEREST ON THE LINKS BETWEEN Sulloway POLITICAL ACTIVISM AND PLACE IN THE SIBLINGS:
° Of ... BECOME SENIOR LEADERS: Roosevelt, Churchill, Mussolini, Stalin
° Of the middle child ... PACIFISTS: Martin Luther King
° Of BENJAMINS .. . Subversion PROFESSIONALS: Danton, Lenin, Arafat
AND THE TWINS? According to Marcel Rufo and Rene Zazzo - who have extensively studied - the twins is often troublesome: to live permanently with the double is not necessarily comfortable; Education these children requires special attention from parents. Many parents who think they can distinguish between a senior and a junior, is considering that the eldest child is born first, or that the younger is the first born since the last design ! the only scientific test that could define the twins is: same egg, identical twins, "twins" - 2 eggs, twins dizigotes "twins" identical twins are of the same sex, they have the same group blood, the same color eyes and hair, the same morphology, the same genetic , These are "double", although some differences are detectable on the physical plane, the complexion of the skin, birth weight ... Twins dizigotes are easier to distinguish; obviously only twins of different sexes does have no problem identification. Parents know their twins distinguished by morphological features (nose, ears, patches ...) mainly by differences in behavior that affect the emotional relationships and attitudes different mothering , one of the twins close to the mother and one father, each seeking to shape "his" sister in his image! @ THE RECOGNITION OF THESE 2 KIDS LIKE 2 PEOPLE SINGLE IS IMPERATIVE THAT DEPENDS ON THEIR MENTAL FUNCTIONING.
* The psychic twins balance requires the separation of this couple who love each other too, whose main challenge is to develop and live as two different beings, the problem these children as opposed to a sibling "ordinary" is not to learn to live together But rather to learn to differentiate, to understand that everyone is so
* The twins may suffer from a lack of social relations by revealing communication difficulties, language disorders is crystophasie : either delayed language development, difficulties or to respond individually to their name. the TOI-ME-WE and I was that difficult to master ... please do not call "twins"!
* On in language, the twins have performances comparable to those of children the same age only about 6, 7 years if they live in a good socio-economic background. parents and friends must fight this specificity because the language comes at all levels of the development of thought, the words help to perceive the world and enjoy it, they build reflection.
@ TWINS UNABLE TO DIFFERENTIATE TO A CERTAIN AGE MAY SUFFER FOR DISORDERS OF INTELLIGENCE PSYCHOLOGICAL DISTURBANCES AND .... IT IS ESSENTIAL TO SEPARATE THOSE inseparable names distinct, personal toys, different clothes, as soon as possible 2 nurseries, 2 different classes or two different groups.
@ TWINS CAN NOT BE MENTALLY STABLE THAN STATING THEIR DIFFERENCES .... THEY MUST BE INCREASING!
* To help them to separate, identify all the nuances of their relationships with the world, give one and the other the opportunity to develop personal mental representations = each has his own ideas, opinions, dreams, projects, and for each event, each has benchmarks, different memories, different emotions, a well-functioning family favors the separation of ideas and imaginary projections: between 2 children, is the imaginary that protects them from the terrible reality of having "double"; sociability breaks early fusion "toxic" for Twins: personal friendships, separate visits, different activities.
@ IN NO TIME SHOULD PARENTS TO GUARANTEE THE MERGER FAILURE TO DO THESE KIDS MAY NEVER BE SEPARATE!
* relations of domination between twins are common, that dominance is established when the first child, once for all, or at least until adolescence. The pairs of boys maintain power relationships, couples girls' intellectual factor, a successful school in twins of different sex, the girl is often dominant, the dominant twin takes initiatives, gives orders, feels superior ; age adult yet, so that leaves dominated the first family, the twins are a couple with internal rules laying down the role of each in relation to that of the other: complementarity and opposition personalities, mutual influences (introvert -extrovert, conscientious-dreamer)
* Twins adults maintain a strong and solid, their existence is made of emotional terms like (same events cause the same reactions and emotions), they have no guilty pleasure to share the same fear but the loving attraction (the twins marry less than the others), they develop a deep jealousy toward the intruder, if one twin dies, the other is experiencing extreme difficulty recovering due to the guilt of being alive. The study of twinning is currently undergoing research include genetics of behavior.
NO PLACE SO THAT IS NOT HIS PROBLEMS? He advocates SHOULD THEN ONE CHILD? * The only child often called "spoiled rotten " has long had a bad reputation! One object of love from his parents that he is blessed to have all to himself ... here is a benefit that may be accompanied by drawbacks harmful to their development "Only the parents' attitude will determine the fate of the child hero ... the family.
* In the center of attention, the only child is often overprotected = thus, it can feel a deep sense of security and a sense of omnipotence, however, he sometimes hesitates to venture outside fear of being questioned. If this mode persists in adult life, it can be a real handicap both socially and sentimental. In addition, the overprotection of parents leads to extreme and constant monitoring requirement: all the fears parents have focused on one child, education flirts with trespassing. Well supported by his parents in their daily lives, one child knows the loneliness, boredom and sometimes ... a sad paradox that ripens very quickly because it is directly involved in the lives of adults ... its activities intellectual prove (reading, games ...) pressure psychological parents in fact be early maturity.
* The only child endorses only the anguish of his parents ... which led him to fiercely protect others or conversely to systematically support his family.
* An exclusive link with the mother - especially if it's a boy - will result in failed relationships because no girl can compete with his mom! The girls identify with their mother, become his mirror, the reflection of his unconscious wishes and adolescence ... will rival the worst!
* Siblings play a role in the development of the child (meaning the game, developing creativity, expression and channeling of aggression ... ), the only child tends .. °. to seek out a sibling (ALIS, friends ...) ° to be helpless against the inevitable competition at school (just led to emulation, he missed an adult aggressive dynamic and positive) ° to be the victim of a feeling of inferiority because he has no opportunity to measure to others.
* How can I help? ° the most important family is to open outwards (early schooling, invite friends, buddies, cousins is a means of confront him with his peers) ° summer camps, sports clubs, associations, recreation centers will allow it to collective adventures.
@ but WARNING! no question of going against a child's personality : We must respect his character, his passions and interests. The key is that the child feels well. The father plays an important role as a third separator, also the grandparents or an outsider (a student who just teach by example)
SO IN CONCLUSION? @ Each being possesses hidden resources to be still room for him.
@ Parents should emphasize the characteristics that distinguish their children by trying to value them and treating each according to his age and personality.
@ "It is vital to love yourself to be loved by others, his brothers and sisters all those who cross our path one day. This is trust per se that makes a successful life and to feel recognized as friendly. It does not shine in the eyes of others only if it is self-confident to be able to shine, "said Marcel Rufo.
@ If malfunctions, difficulties, failures and even diseases occur, think psycho or biological decoding which then allows the person to understand his problem, to break free, meet his identity to become an actor of his life .
For more information: * Brothers and sisters, a lovesickness - Marcel Rufo - ed. fayard
* The major stages of childhood - Dolto - ed. portfolio test
Psychogenealogy * - Na Chasseriau Thalia - ed. hatchet practice
